Tamia Timberlake's blog

Turn it Off

Day bleeds into night

Night bleeds into day

Until there's no visible separation.

I'm behind a partition of glass

observing my life

as it's played out on a gigantic movie screen

and there's nothing I can do to stop it

No place to run and hide.

I can't even shield my eyes.

I'm forced to watch in silence

and complete confusion

as it's played forward and backward

morbidly slow (frame by frame)

then at warp speed (what did I miss?).

How do I turn this shit off?

(C) Tamia C Timberlake 2008

Exploring the Bi-Polar Condition

Angel Wings

With you there were no guarantees.
Now, kindly give back my angel wings.

wings by ~clandestine-stock on deviantART

Angel Wings

My Recurrent Dream

I've had this recurrent dream since I was a young child.  I am alone in absolute darkness.  I am floating and weightless.  The silence is deafening.  I am at peace and anxious at the same time.  Suddenly, I notice in the distance a pinpoint of light.  The blackness surrounding me magnifies the light. I am both drawn to it and afraid of it.  What is this light? 

There's this theme that I notice running through my life.  Opposites! Yin/Yang!  I guess it has always been about balance.  If we are off balance in life we can't move forward.  Instead, we are left teetering in one position always about to fall.  Your life has to be balanced in order to have a happy and fulfilled life, right? I believe this to be true. 

I've always wanted to know what this dream meant. When I told my therapist about this dream she said that it could mean many things. So, I've decided to be more aware of what is happening around me when I have this dream again. I'm going to make a conscience effort to write down all the details.  I think it will help to give this dream clarity.  In the meantime I'm pondering these questions:

What does it feel like to not feel anything at all? 

How does it feel to be past numb?

I want to feel nothing.  I've lived through many horrific situations. I'm a survivor and as one I've carried many a weight upon my shoulder, within my heart, and wrapped around my soul.  They have weighed me down so much so that at times I will admit that I have wanted to give up.  I wanted to sleep that good sleep.  But, these questions don't refer to death in the "real" sense.  If I could describe it it would be more like being in the womb again.  Floating in that sustaining liquid aware of nothing, eyes shut tight, with no fears, no pain, no worries in the world.  Just you there alone living and breathing.

Finders Keepers! Series-Two Loons for Tea

The Finders Keepers Series are a collection of  items of "relevance" I've found while browsing the net.  I've fallen in love or like with them for one reason or another and decided to share them with you.

Another web-find, Two Loons for Tea, have a cool vibe.  I absolutely loved this song when I first heard it on Imeem.
I could write for hours listening to this song over and over again.

Two Loons for Tea-Sunset Room

Two Loons For Tea : Sunset Room [live]

Finders Keepers! Series-Leaves' Eyes

The Finders Keepers Series are a collection of  items of "relevance" I've found while browsing the net.  I've fallen in love or like with them for one reason or another and decided to share them with you.

For Amelie by Leaves' Eyes is a beautiful song.  The singers voice is hauntingly beautiful and so ethereal.  I've never heard of this group before but have become a fan from this song alone. 

Leaves Eyes

For Amelie by Leaves' Eyes

Why don't you feel me
Why can't I hold your hand
(You) never said that you'd leave me
and I know you are somewhere

I held you up
Every time you were down
Your crying stopped
When I was around...but...

Why don't you love me?
Enough to stay with me
Now tell me truly
Was it there in your heart too?
All that I'm left with
Is a dream of me and you

You filled my soul
With your beauty and with hope
We're different although
We were just like water in sand

Why dont you feel me
Why cant I hold your hand
You never said that you'd leave me
And I know you are somewhere

I held you close
When you fell to the ground
And now you've torn all my hope apart
You could have said good-bye

Punishment

Some pains are never relieved.

We suffer for the sake of suffering.

We invite pain in to take shelter but
don't know how to ask it to leave.

Reminders of guiltless shame are everywhere.

We accept and hand down life sentences
as if they were a rite of passage; as if
we need to feel pain to confirm we are indeed alive.

Copyright ©2008  Tamia Cherise Timberlake

Entering a Poetry Contest-Help Wanted!

I want to enter two of my poems into a poetry contest my local library is holding.  I would like your opinion on which poems, in your opinion, are my best. They can be 35 lines or less.

Thanks,

Tamia

Sweet Serenity aka The New Adam & Eve-Reworked

Adam and Eve by ~samax on deviantART

The New Adam and Eve

An Ode to Love

Sweet serenity,
grant eternal bliss.
I'm ill with perpetual yearning.

Come!
Lay upon our virginal minds
a silent uproar.

Contagious!

If but for one moment I pray
we should die a slow death
as we dance this dance of joy.

Kismet!
We are but a mere reflection
of the original union.

Of the good deed
we are more than willing.
Time befriend and keep us
as we near perfection
and fully inherit our due reward.

Copyright ©2008  Tamia Cherise Timberlake

He!

HE!

washes over me

subliminal rain

shine down on me

cry tears of joy

rain down on me

happiness is on the rise

within my soul

HE!

resides

taking me higher and higher

safe within his arms

I fly freely

my hearts inclined

he's by my side

there is only one

who gives me peace

there is only one

who causes me to be...

HE!

Copyright ©2008  Tamia Cherise Timberlake

Sweet Serenity aka The New Adam & Eve

An Ode to Love

Sweet serenity,
grant eternal bliss.
I'm ill with perpetual yearning.

Come!
Lay upon our virginal minds a silent uproar.
Contagious!
If but for one moment I pray
we should die a slow death
as we dance this dance of joy
face to face
wrapped in each others arms
fulfilling dreams unfulfilled.

In one motion, an eternity,
but only a moment in time ,
unparalleled to this universe
we recognize and concede.

This shall be our only salvation.
Happiness is on the rise.

Copyright ©2008  Tamia Cherise Timberlake