Fire on the Mountain

There's a fire burning where I live in Montvale, Virginia.  We've had mandatory evacuations.  Please pray for us.
-Tamia-

There's fire on the mountain.
Like an old man busily puffing away on his pipe it makes itself known.
White smoke, the choking kind, not the sweet smell of grandfather's tobacco,
mingles with cumulus clouds on a background of ice blue
the sun both illuminating it's beauty and announcing it's unrelenting approach.
All through a cold, dark, angry night it burned
it's destination unknown.
Egged on by heavy wind
trees bend as if bowing before flame and then burn as quickly
leaving in its wake the charred memory of what used to be.
There's fire on the mountain.

C) Tamia C. Timberlake
From Montvale, Virginia
2/11/2008 2:46pm

Fires Across our Area

Wind-driven forest fires hit Bedford, Roanoke counties; governor declares state of emergency

Comments

[sharonb]

[this is good] I am so sorry to hear this, I lived in Hampton and Newport News for over 7 yrs and I love Va. I pray the fires will be put out soon and all will go well for you and yours and everyone there. ((hugs)

[Tamia Timberlake]

Thank you Sharon.  We need all the prayers we can get.

[Disenchantedaisy]

[this is good] Born and raised in VA - I hope this is over soon for all of you. I'll kep you in my thoughts. But damn girl - great poem.

[Tamia Timberlake]

Thanks for the prayers Discenchantedaisy.

[Lucy]

[this is good]

I really like your structure and most of your words.  The repetition of the lines "There's fire on the mountain."  I would strike "unrelenting" since we know the fire is unrelenting and put in another word.   We know the fire is bad, so we don't need a judgement word.  Unrelenting is always bad. 

I would make a stanza break when you bring up the past of the fire, how it burned during the night.  I would also strike out "angry."  It is more powerful in my opinion to have a cold dark night, less of a value judgement.  Let your words show the fire's fury, which they do beautifully.

I like "its destination unknown."  I would strik "egged on" since it sounds cutsey.  I think "fueled by heavy winds," or something else may fit better with the poems mood that you skillfully created.

I love the line "trees bend as if bowing......"  you have lovely language and illiteration here.  I would find some other way to say "memory of what used to be."  That phrase can seem cliche.

This is a beautiful poem Tamia.  Thanks for sharing and allowing me to offer critique. 

Lucy, who used to live in fire-ravaged Colorado

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